Karen Karen Karen Recap (AKA #NotKaren #HashtagsAreBorn)

Holy Guacamole! This episode has certainly left an impression! Not sure what that impression is yet but, it is there, like a refrigerator door broken by a leg of lamb. (#WhereisRob) Let’s get down to crazy town and recap the insanity for you! (#WildRideAhead)

(DISCLAIMER: This recap includes my personal opinions regarding the podcast. All opinions expressed in this recap are mine and mine alone and may or may not align with other members of this community. These expressed opinions are of my personal feeling at the time I first listened to the podcast. Opinions may change over time. I also respect those that do not agree with me and ask for the same respect in return. #FreedomOfSpeech)

Once again, we begin with messages between Dot and Helena. (#FavoriteFunnyWomen) They are STILL discussing Jackie. (I wonder if poor Jackie’s nose itches all the time from so many people talking about her? #GossipGirls) Dot also tells Helena about her daughter’s wedding. It’s her second wedding (the first was to a man) and now, she’s married to her “friend,” who is a woman. Apparently, gay weddings are MOSTLY like regular weddings according to Dot. (#WhoKnew?) Helena doesn’t think she knows any lesbians, with the exception of her very nice butcher. But, the “gays” she does know are a hoot and they sure know how to have fun. Also, Barb died, and maybe she was a lesbian? (The transitions in these messages… I mean, we go from a gay pride parade to a funeral in one sentence. I would love to be a cat on the wall and really watch these women! #gaysarefun #funeralsaresad) Dot’s information regarding her daughter’s first marriage makes me wonder if Dot is Karen’s and/or Ellen’s mother? I have speculated on the possibility of a mother connection before, but now I am pretty certain. Oh, and Helena was arrested with Kris.

Josh contacts Sara with news we have heard before. Email Karen and the Strange Email Man share the same IP address. What DOES THAT MEAN? Sara is stunned. Well, Josh is going to contact Email Karen and see if he can get some answers. Sara is confused. It appears Email Karen has been a part of this since the days of the blog. Josh really feels like something is amiss. (Sure took you a LONG time to get your cat tongue back, Hallmark! LOL) Is Email Karen the Real Karen? Is she a fake? Why did Mark freak out about Email Karen contacting Josh? Is Fish Ellen the Real Ellen? (#SoManyQuestions) Fish Ellen feels authentic. Can we verify Fish Ellen and Email Karen? Oakland Karen? (I need a visual aid… I can’t keep up… maybe I need a #MURDERBOARD)

SHUT UP! Sara looks up a Karen who lived in the cottage (Jeeze, I’m confused. #SoManyKarens!) And, now we have Crochet Pants Karen! She lived in Berkeley. She has a blog! (#CrochetPants) Sara is laughing her head off about pink panties worn under crochet pants. (I REALLY need to see this blog!)

Can we connect Crochet Pants Karen to Fish Ellen?

Josh sends a message to Email Karen asking her to talk and BOOM, just like that, the legal net is thrown. Email Karen responds. She has been listening to the podcast. She was reading the blog. She read copies of the letters. She thought it would be FUNNY to insert herself into the narrative. (WHAT?!? WAIT?!? WHAT?!? #WHAT? #WAIT?WHAT?) She wrote the emails pretending to be Karen and she wrote the second email from Email Man JUST to mess with Josh. (YOU WHAT?!? WAIT?!? WHAT?!? WHO DOES THAT? HOW CRUEL! HOW MEAN! I mean, kinda funny but, #NotThatFunny)  Email Karen is supposedly this person’s mother-in-law. She says Email Karen never lived with an Ellen. She never even lived in Oakland. This person has just admitted that she catfished Josh. She thought this whole thing was “really funny” and is/was a member of our beloved Roomies group. (#NotMyRoomie) But, our research made her nervous and once Josh included her fake letters on the podcast she decided the joke had gone too far. She claims to be sorry. (However, she waited for Josh to contact her….versus coming clean on her own, so, I’m not buying it, sister. #HowRude) And, she doesn’t want to come across as stupid or a bitch. (Clearly, you aren’t stupid. Yep, I called you a bitch. It was a bitchy thing to do. #sorrynotsorry) And, so, this concludes the story of Not Karen. (And, the beginning of a hysterical blog by Torey searching for the identity of Not Karen. Also, I am #NotNotKaren) And, since Josh has asked, #NotAWitchHunt

Quiet, bad karaoke. (#DamnIWishIwasYourLover)

Sara is back. (#DudeYouGotCatfished) Where does this leave the research? Obviously Not Karen is not Karen so, who is Real Karen? Sara checks her murder board for a possible new suspect. What do you know, Crochet Pants Karen seems to fit! (#IfTheCrochetPantsFitWearThem) Is Crochet Pants Karen the real Karen? Are Karen and Ellen actually real? Will we find them?

Blog post, dated May 19, 2016, from Crochet Pants Karen. She is obsessed with crochet and is modeling her latest crochet pants. (#CrochetGoddess) This blog is one long run on sentence all about crochet pants. (#madyarn)

Blog post, December 19, 2010. Crochet Pants Karen is excited for bumper stickers. She sees a car with lots of cool stickers and just can’t contain herself. Crochet Karen also has quite a collection of bumper stickers, which I believe are also amazing new hashtags.  #1988 Bush/Quail, #GodBlesstheFreaks and my personal favorite, #IAteaKitchenSink! (Josh, if you don’t jump on this Marketing gem now and get this in your shop page, you may be missing out!) Also, it is hot where she is. It is even hot inside. So, she was in the water for two hours. (#RelevantInformation) And, they have to walk everywhere. (#CloseToDead)

Blog post, September 30, 2010. (#IndigoDoesntLiveHere #BetterThanBerkley) Also, Bill had a wake and there are really big cockroaches at the local hospital.

Blog post, May 1, 2017. Crochet Pants Karen is now almost 50 years old and updating her look. She still sews. (#FastestWayToMakeClothes)

Josh really feels these blogs are VERY Karen. However, he has a lead on a different Karen that is tied to Fish Ellen. (#MoreResearchNeeded #TheMysteryContinues)

Ellen is back with another mouse video! (#TeamEllen #PavedParadise #MiceAreFast)

#TheEnd

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Who is ‘Not Karen?’ – A Suspect List

BLUF: It has been revealed that “Email Karen” was actually a catfish who had infiltrated the Roomie community. Who could it be?

In the latest episode of The Karen and Ellen Letters (S02|E05: Karen Karen Karen), Josh dropped a bombshell that threatens to erode the Utopian digital community that has formed in The Karen & Ellen Roomies discussion group on Facebook. While Facebook communities are often rampant with childish name calling, hateful trolling, and random postings of inflammatory political opinions, the Roomies have thus far avoided divisiveness in favor of agreeable, lighthearted banter, and, at times, deep personal disclosure that solidifies the friendship between each member.

In episode 12 last season, Josh told us “… I received an email. It was an email that I knew was trouble before I even opened it.” It was from someone claiming to have copies of the famed letters, and that there were discrepancies between what Josh knew, and what he or she knew about the story. This was after Josh had received several emails from someone claiming to be THE ACTUAL KAREN.

In episode four of season two, Josh revealed that the emails from the mysterious letter holder and from “Email Karen” came from the same IP address, indicating the same person sent both emails. Now, we find out that “Email Karen” not only had catfished her way into the story line, but had infiltrated The Karen and Ellen Roomies discussion group! I immediately began a mental list of possible suspects. I listed my list of suspected suspects on this list of suspects below. It should be noted that every suspect listed below has been included purely in jest, and absolutely no animosity should be held against “Not Karen,” whomever he or she may turn out to be. As Josh said, “All is forgiven.”

NAME: Laura (redacted)

Laura (redacted) is Canadian, but she neither seems overly tall, nor does she appear to need a shave.  Laura speaks English, but there is a possibility she also speaks French and wears loud flannel shirts. Laura has indicated intimate knowledge of Trailer Park Boys, a popular Canadian television series that pioneered the faux reality TV genre, so this may be a link into her involvement in the Canadian underground crime scene, ergo, she could feasibly be knowledgeable in identity theft and fraud. If this were Trailer Park Boys, Laura would be Julian, the muscular brains behind every scheme the boys try to pull on Mister Lahey (RIP John Dunsworth).

NAME: Stephanie (redacted)

Stephanie is deeply rooted into the Roomie community, and has publicly demonstrated not only her penchant for creative writing, but her ability to reproduce Karen’s style of correspondence, so there could be some mental instability packed away in there that resonates at the same frequency as the actual Karen from the original letters (j/k, don’t beat me up). Stephanie shows a great deal of anger toward “Not Karen.” Could this be a result of her genuine feelings of betrayal by a member of the Roomie community as she claims, or is she attempting to redirect suspicion from her onto other unwitting Roomies? Perhaps time will reveal sufficient evidence to decide whether this is the case or not. If this were The Black Tapes, she’d be the enigmatic Doctor Richard Strand, except that her voice wouldn’t be so deep and mysterious.

NAME: Matt (redacted)

Matt is one of only a handful of active Roomies who happens to be male. This is a dangerous line of thinking, as my gender in this situation could possibly implicate me as well, and I am 90 percent confident that I am not the culprit. Now, this could be a Trojan Roomie, an alter ego, or a catfish account of sorts, or Matt could be a legit person. There is absolutely no way to know for certain. I’ve seen enough episodes of Burn Notice to know that the best way to avoid suspicion would be to impersonate a female member so as to blend in … unless we’re dealing with a master of psychological manipulation.

NAME: Nikki (redacted)

Nikki has been described as a K&E brand ambassador, and is undeniably a super fan of the show. Is she a rabid enthusiast, or could it be a symbolic act of penance to atone for her previous catfishing shenanigans? She probably didn’t do it, but she is from Arkansas, so the 5th grade writing level Karen employed in her letter writing could be easy for Nikki to reproduce. Admittedly, this connection is flimsy at best. There may be nothing to this, but on the other hand, there may not. But, I digest. If this were S-Town, Nikki would be Brian Reed, because she’s been telling us an incredible story this whole time.

Vicki (redacted)

Vicki is one of the famed “Vickis” of K&E Roomie lore. On the Karen & Ellen Roomies discussion group on Facebook, Vicki often posts things about pickles, which indicates she may have personal knowledge of the events leading up to the fiery demise of Ellen’s uncle’s pickle factory. If this is true, Vicki could be way more involved with the saga of Karen, Ellen, and Rob than we previously thought. If this were A Scottish Podcast, Vicki would be Ivan the Disemboweler, because Vicki straight up slays.

NAME: Sue (redacted)

Sue admitted on an Aftershow that she was present for a letter reading gathering on or about the same time Josh’s blog was active. Sue had intimate knowledge of K&E, access to Josh’s email address, and, as this act of deception appears to be a prank that over the years grew out of control, rather than one of malicious intent, it is feasible that a close friend of Josh’s could be motivated to do this for laughs. If this were Tanis, Sue would be M.K., as she is deeply connected to the dark realms of the internet while at the same time a part of the narrative of the story as a whole.

NAME: Staci (redacted)

Staci is one of three fortunate Roomies who has appeared on an Aftershow (S02/E04 AfterShow, “The Roomies”). In the episode five spoiler thread on the Roomie page, Staci exclaimed, “SHE’S A ROOMIE?” And then, “is she still in the group?” and then, “COME FORWARD CATFISH KAREN!” Was this surprise expressed on Facebook genuine, or a farce designed to mask her true identity as “Catfish Karen?” If this were an M. Night Shyamalan film, Staci would be the guy in The Sixth Sense who was dead all along and didn’t know it.

NAME: Charlie (redacted)

Charlie’s last name has been redacted even though she’s famous, and I’m pretty sure it would be difficult for her to sue me (in Portland small claims court) for libel since she is a public figure. Charlie co-hosts the In Sight Podcast which is a true crime show, so she is familiar with covering cover-ups when people cover up their crimes, giving her the perfect cover for pulling off this fantastic prank. If this were episode 67 of In Sight, “Who put Bella in the Wych Elm?,” Charlie would be Anna, the mysterious woman who in 1953, mysteriously told the Wolverhampton Express and Star that a German spy ring was responsible for the demise of an unknown woman whose skeleton was discovered in a tree.

Click here to listen to S02|E05: Karen Karen Karen